coffee break

Will I offer God something that cast me nothing?

2012-01-08T13:56:00.001+02:00

It must be a good 17 or so years ago that we sat in a classroom at bible college listening to a couple share about some tough experiences overseas. One of them involved exposing their young daughter to very substandard healthcare (they are both medical doctors themselves - heightening their conflict over the situation) because this was all that was available. Afterwards they did some soul-searching, wondering what they were doing serving God at a potentially high cost to their precious children. They referred to various scriptures which God used to speak to them, and left us with the place that they came to, a question...."Will I offer God something that cost me nothing?"

Their words have replayed in my mind many times since then and have been running through my thoughts more than usual in recent days. We praise God for clear evidence of His grace in the lives of our kids...but that doesn't mean they don't frequently struggle with being here. Social networking is great but it does mean they're well aware of what their friends are up to back home and of what they're missing out on. They don't have any real friends here to speak of, and while they enjoy many aspects of their schooling system, it comes with a host of challenges too. This week we've had some tears...and there were some last week too...

It's one of the hardest things as a parent to see your children struggling, and more so when there's nothing you can do to "fix" the problem. I've considered this week that I could get mad with God because it's hard and I'm having a difficult time dealing with the challenges...or I can consider these are my gift to Him - a gift that is worth something because it is costly to me.

I should add that I also believe I can trust God with my children because He has led us here and He is in the business of redeeming and making good every situation we trust to Him. That's 'good' in His economy of course...so 'good' doesn't mean easy, but it does mean growing grace, character, strength, faith, perseverance... I do believe that my/our obedience means the best for my children, and me/us - but that's not the same as the easiest or most comfortable.

Sadly secularist

2011-12-29T19:15:00.000+02:00

A few days ago we were in the local mall at one of the bookstores we frequent, mostly because of its well priced DVD's. I was dismayed while perusing a general DVD section to come across a cover with perverse sexual content easily visible to anyone, i.e. children as well...potentially MY children! We approached the manager and drew the situation to his attention, explaining how inappropriate we thought the DVD cover for general viewing and asking that it be moved to a specially created section. He agreed with us about its inappropriateness but lamely said he could do nothing.

Yesterday I sent off an email to the head office of this large chain bookstore expressing my concerns and asking them to behave responsibly and protect children from this unnecessary exposure. Today I received a very curt response saying they felt no need to do anything about the situation which was quite acceptable to them.

The irony for me is this... Also in the same mall is a bookstore known to be very religious, i.e. Islamic. I have also bought from them on occasion and have found myself wondering whether I ought to be contribuiting to the Muslim agenda with my finances. Now I wonder why I imagined Islam more of a threat than secularism.

I think we're inclined to naively imagine secularism is neutral, which of course it's not. Any system which denies any place to God (or keeps Him on the fringes) and the values and principles that are intrinsic to Him threatens a society built upon and protected by what is true and good.

In this instance I believe I'm more likely to get a hearing with a practising Muslim than from someone secularly minded. Sadly, the easy dismissal of my concerns suggests they're not complaining :-(

Awkwardness and angst!

2011-10-11T22:17:00.000+03:00

Last weekend Basil joined the "boys" he works with for an afternoon out...lots of barbequed meat and whiling the afternoon away with hearty conversation over multiple glasses of tea. All was going well until one of the guys turned to Basil and asked if we would give permission for our daughter to marry a Turkish Muslim... Very much put on the spot, Basil answered a cautious "no" only to become aware that everyone present seemed now to be tuned into only the conversation he was a part of! It was clear his position had not gone down well and negative comments followed including judgements of narrow mindedness because he would allow religion to influence such decisions (because of course the more progressive position is to keep religion on the margins of one's life). In spite of several attempts to approach the subject from different angles, Basil was forced to leave the situation unresolved and his "audience" unsatisfied by his explanations.

The next day we were out on a picnic with friends who were treating us to 'Chi Kofte', that is, raw rissoles...rissoles made with raw mince and bulghur wheat as well as an assortment of spices etc. My friend had made them there before us and we were sitting down to eat altogether. Her non-meat eating young daughter was already having trouble getting her kofte down and when she learned they contained meat she began to cry with distress. At this her mother and others present sought to allay her fears by telling her that they didn't in fact contain meat. The problem was that she turned to me for confirmation! I'm sure my blank stare was not what she'd hoped for and I remain most curious about just what she made of my silence. If she was upset with me she didn't let on so I was saved further awkwardness. Having said that, I wish she had pressed me for an explanation of why I couldn't lie - I would gladly have given it.

Chi kofte in the making

Our hope and prayer is that moments like those above, so loaded with potential misunderstanding and cause for angst, (not to mention exceedingly awkward) would be used by God as a springboard for the seekers in our midst. We can live with the embarrassment, shame and misunderstanding only because we have confidence that He's at work, turning our worst moments on their heads and somehow working out good.

Chi Kofte

Overly sensitive

2011-08-24T04:18:00.001+03:00

Living in a foreign culture means a heightened sensitivity to social cues as you try to behave appropriately and strive to fit in. In a context where there can be a degree of suspicion towards foreigners, Westerners in particular, you tend to be always surveying behaviour for indications of acceptance or otherwise ( this is often only semi-conciously).

Basil and I had concluded that a particular neighbour didn't like us very much due to the stoney expressions returned for our greetings and smiles... as a result I'd grown to feel self-concious when I'd pass her in the street and avoided her eyes. Then the other day as I was stopped on the footpath I found myself standing beside her and when I said "Hello" she responded warmly and we chatted for several minutes. It turns out she's a widow with no financial provision left by her husband, and so even as she's getting older she needs to work cleaning to provide for herself and her one son. She sounded very sad and lonely.

In addition to the sadness I felt for her situation, I felt regret at how quickly I had withdrawn my efforts at engagement because of my own self-consciousness...because it felt awkward greeting her, I had stopped, only to learn her apparent "stoniness" was just as likely to be explained by reserve.

I hope I've learned not to be so quick to imagine I understand what's going on for someone else, especially if the leads me to withdraw. I want my response to others to be set, pre-determined by a decision to love no matter how I perceive their feelings towards me. I think that's how Jesus would be...

Loving loneliness...

2011-07-26T21:00:00.000+03:00

Hmmm, so, I've decided I'm not very good at this blogging business... I wonder what makes a good blog? Why would YOU visit it? And have I the time to construct the kind of blog that very busy people will actually read? In the absence of a conclusive answer and because I like to follow through on what I start, and just in case this yet becomes an effective communication tool I will continue for now - but the jury is still out...

The other night we watched a movie set on a lonely isolated beach. I felt my insides being tugged as I longed to escape somewhere so quiet and away... Life has taken quite a different shape for me here being based full-time at home and with my children 24/7. I love being a mum and I love my kids but my introverted self desperately misses moments saved all for myself. The situation is compounded significantly being located in an apartment among a street of apartments...indeed a whole city of apartments - a city who's population is a 1/4 the size of our whole country. People everywhere, unbroken noise and din, and more so in these hot months of wide open windows and balcony living. The intensity can be suffocating and the urge to breakfree powerful.

So what do I do? How do I think? What do I believe God is saying to me? Well, I don't know that I have a comprehensive handle on that yet, but I do know that it's not simply along the lines of "God created you introverted, therefore your ministry couldn't possibly be in an environment that relentlessly challenges that". God's best for us so often involves demonstrating His sufficiency where our own fails, and what is so awesome is that His best for me will also be about what's best for others (because this is so not all about me!). So I'm trusting that my sometimes gritted-teeth obedience is producing fruit in my life and in lives around me. The daily sacrifice of my special times and spaces is my gift to Him and the people of Turkey, as well as an investment in eternity.

Does that make sense?

Headscarves and circumcisions...

2011-04-28T16:34:00.000+03:00

Today saw a new first as I was helped by a neighbour to drap a headscarf over my hair before heading off to another neighbour's home for a Koran reading. The occasion was the the sunnet (circumcision) of their 4 1/2 month old son. Unlike in some other parts of Turkey where the parents wait until their son is about 7-8 years old and then parade the poor unsuspecting boy about dressed as a king, often with scepter in hand, encouraging him that he will soon become a man... in this part of the country it seems preferred to circumcise the boys when they are much younger.

Tulbent (headscarf)

To commemorate the event about 15 women gathered to read the Koran and pray. I duly went first to another neighbour to borrow a headscarf and so I could arrive with company - we then turned up the only two covered! Everyone had a good chuckle and we removed our scarves until the reading of the Koran when everyone covered their heads. Three women read simultaneously and at various times the other women added their muttered prayers or performed hand gestures. Then it was over and the formality quickly dissipated as lahmacun (yummy, very thin pizza-like dish), Ayran (yoghurt drink) and tulumba (sticky, sweet, kind of donut) were distributed.

Lahmacun

Clearly some women were much more religiously inclined, however everyone seemed to know what was going on and the appropriate words and gestures, including my neighbour's 13 year-old daughter. There is clearly a belief of sorts, however to an outsider it appeared as though for many of the women this was about the performance of a tradition and security sought in religious rites, in spite of fairly loose religious practise in everyday life. Tomorrow I plan to visit again and I hope to ask just what it all meant, in theory and to them...

Some images from our days...

2011-04-13T22:57:00.002+03:00

Colours, textures, tastes and smells!

Stunning handwork continues here

Yum...

To be a foreigner

2011-04-13T22:22:00.000+03:00

It's amazing what little things become big when you cross cultures... There are times when being recognised as a foreigner is delightful - especially in a country with a reputation for superb hospitality; but there are many other times when one wishes simply to blend in. For a variety of reasons I've taken to preparing almost entirely Turkish fare this time round and one of the popular steps in meal preparation for my neighbours is sending off the tray of prepared or semi-prepared food to the local firin (oven - mostly used in this case to cook pide and lavas bread) I've been very keen to do this but was put off at the prospect of delivering my carefully prepared tray under the watchful eye of neighbours and then putting it in the hand of the baker only to have his look belie thoughts like "a foreigner must have put this together!!!"

Well, I took the bull by the horns today and after having observed my neighour prepare a simple tray, I did the same and delivered it... No funny looks or stifled amusment much to my relief, but a great sense of pride in myself, albeit over something exceedingly trivial!

A small sense of consolation came this week when I spoke to another foreigner in our building. She expressed just the same self-consciousness about delivering a tray to the firin and was only persuaded to do so when a visiter assisted with putting it together. The big difference between us however is that she is from Istanbul! Here in Turkey however to travel between cities, certainly over any distance is to become a foreigner...I guess then I'm in good company!

What a treat...

2011-02-02T16:58:00.000+02:00

Feeling very privileged to do what we do alongside such a diverse bunch of people. We're at our annual conference and rubbing shoulders with fellow workers from all over the place... if "Westerners" remain in the majority it's only just! Our visiting speaker this year is a Korean who is alternating his addresses in English and Korean with translation. Tomorrow our devotional speaker is a Turk who will also share with us through the day. Such richness and so much to be learned from, and appreciated in each other...a wee glimpse of Heaven! And another delight of the day was getting to see three children of workers here declare their commitment to follow Jesus and be baptised in the (freezing!) Mediterranean. It doesn't get any better than this!

Final Boarding Call...

2011-01-18T00:53:00.001+02:00

We've come within 36 hours of our departure and in spite of the lengthy lead-up it still feels quite surreal. In fact apart from strange feelings of detachment it's hard to describe our emotions...I reckon the busyness of preparations creates a welcome distraction from the potential feelings of loss and anxiety (though there's still a bit of that there :-s). It also means feelings of excitement and anticipation are kept at bay while our minds are preoccupied with what's right in front of our noses...

When I do stop and reflect, I'm inclined to wonder whatever possessed me/us, that we would do this... AGAIN! I hope and trust that it's God who has possessed us because there's no way we can make anything of this on our own!

I've just finished a great book on the church-planting task, the author closes his writing thus:

"Leaving our comfortable culture may seem costly, but in the end we will have to agree with the words of Dr Helen Roseveare, that well-known missionary doctor to the Congo, who stated, "There really is no cost, only the privilege of serving the King of Kings."

So...to the plane tomorrow!

To simplify things...

2010-11-29T01:14:00.000+02:00

You know the question... "You're on a desert island and you can choose one or two things...what would they be?" Well, how about, you're moving your life to the other side of the world and you can take one suitcase ...what would you pack?...I guess the reality that there's not likely to be very much room left after we've packed clothing should simplify the process - I'm just not sure I appreciate that angle right at the moment.

I’ve been challenged by the call to simplicity for a long time, so a wee corner of my heart is cultivating some joy and anticipation at what it could mean to begin life over without so much stuff! In truth though there’s still a lot of dying to many sentimental attachments and dependence on physical resources and props – we have such a glut of them don’t we? I’ll see over the next few months just how real my profession of the “sufficiency of Christ” is... hopefully it will become more so.

Firsthand experience

2010-11-15T06:21:00.000+02:00

It's a funny kind of life this one...well, not so mainstream at the very least. There are times when I catch myself and wonder at what point I understood the ramifications of what I/we signed up for...this opting out of the regular career path and the more commonly pursued gradual progression through life onward and upward! It's not like I'm a radical creature by nature, in fact I'm very conventional, many would describe me as quite conservative and those that know me well know I'm very attached to order and routine and things like security and predictability. So this is not the life I would have picked out for myself ...

It struck me in church yesterday though what an awesome thing it is to risk my life with God. As we sang songs about elements of the character and promises of God I realised that in different circumstances I might just be singing the theory, but because of how He's called us we've had the amazing (and sometimes very stretching!) privilege of experiencing God firsthand. We know He provides because he's provided so many times, we know He protects because He's kept us through some threatening situations, we know that His grace is enough because it has been.

And right now we're learning all these things again, because we're kinda slow! This journey back to the other side of the world is stretching us again...but again we're getting to see God do what He does, and show Himself awesome!!!