As it turns out the feedback I received suggested I did better than I felt I had - but that still didn't mean I felt terribly satisfied by my delivery. Even acknowledging the heightened difficulty of negotiating spiritual truth - filled with nuance and deeper meaning - I still felt a bit disappointed and insecure about the whole thing. In fact the importance of the content only serves to increase the pressure!
Anyone who knows me, even a little, will know I live my life very much according to the code of "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well." Suffice to say, I don't like doing things that I can't do well... But there's a very cool little twist on that saying which goes "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly!" This idea has really helped me negotiate life in a second culture when I frequently feel I'm "performing" below par.
It turns out that there are some things that are so important...so worth doing...that doing them badly is better than not doing them at all; that is, communicating the message of the Gospel is such an important task that it's better that I do it a little badly than that I don't even try. Certainly allowing my pride to be an obstacle to speaking out, no matter how haltingly is a mistake...maybe even sinful???
Additionally my own efforts are only a part of the equation to which God adds His blessing - the increase - so I simply need to offer my "bad" efforts in faith, then sit back and see what He does with them. I really might be in trouble if it was all up to me, but thankfully it's not!
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