Overly sensitive

 Living in a foreign culture means a heightened sensitivity to social cues as you try to behave appropriately and strive to fit in.  In a context where there can be a degree of suspicion towards foreigners, Westerners in particular, you tend to be always surveying behaviour for indications of acceptance or otherwise ( this is often only semi-conciously).

Basil and I had concluded that a particular neighbour didn't like us very much due to the stoney expressions returned for our greetings and smiles... as a result I'd grown to feel self-concious when I'd pass her in the street and avoided her eyes.  Then the other day as I was stopped on the footpath I found myself standing beside her and when I said "Hello" she responded warmly and we chatted for several minutes.  It turns out she's a widow with no financial provision left by her husband, and so even as she's getting older she needs to work cleaning to provide for herself and her one son.  She sounded very sad and lonely.

In addition to the sadness I felt for her situation, I felt regret at how quickly I had withdrawn my efforts at engagement because of my own self-consciousness...because it felt awkward greeting her, I had stopped, only to learn her apparent "stoniness" was just as likely to be explained by reserve.

I hope I've learned not to be so quick to imagine I understand what's going on for someone else, especially if the leads me to withdraw.  I want my response to others to be set, pre-determined by a decision to love no matter how I perceive their feelings towards me.  I think that's how Jesus would be...